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abc_onceuponAs a bald dude once wrote, the course of true love never did run smooth. Just when you think you've finally achieved your happy ending, BAM! -- along comes a cranky king, or a wicked queen, or your paramour's pesky current wife. While true love triumphed in The Land of Make Believe tonight, our gang's Storybrooke alter egos weren't quite as lucky as their magical mates. Especially poor Kathryn, who might just be rotting away in a cell next to Belle's right about now.
In our first fairyback, Princess Abigail -- wearing a charming couch-inspired ensemble -- greets King Charles Widmore George on the eve of her wedding. The mean monarch neglects to tell his prospective daughter-in-law that Prince James has gone full Runaway Groom. As the two royals are chatting, Charming is racing away from them as fast as he can. Though he manages to outmaneuver his "father"'s men, James is soon captured by another pair of knights -- ones who happen to work for Abigail. Turns out that Charming's betrothed is much cooler than we've all given her credit for: She has no interest in marrying the prince. What's more, she knows James loves Snow White, and she wants to help get him back to her.
Kathryn, unfortunately, hasn't gotten the same memo. She's still determined to save her flailing marriage; her latest idea is to take David and move to Boston, where the two of them can enjoy a fresh start and a few nice bowls of clam chowdah. When David breaks the news to MM, she sensibly says that his only choice now is to tell his wife about the affair. After all, it'd be better for Kathryn to hear the news from him than from someone else. (Famous last words, eh?) David reluctantly agrees to have The Talk, and we all breathe premature sighs of relief.
Emma is also making romantic progress. The Storybrooke Stranger bumps into her outside of Granny's and says that he'd like to finally have that drink she promised him. Emma asks if he's asking her out; Stranger responds, "If putting a label on it makes you more comfortable, then sure." Ahhh, Emma -- run, run, as fast as you can! Dudes who don't believe in labels also don't believe in things like birthday cards, compliments, and not making out with that other girl.
After finally prompting the Stranger to reveal his name -- August Wayne Booth, for those keeping score at home -- Emma heads inside for a confession session with Mary Margaret. The teacher reveals that she and David have been sneaking around. Emma, in turn, reveals that she knew all along. Nice sleuthing, Sheriff! According to MM, though, the subterfuge will soon be over for good: David's going to tell Kathryn everything. After taking a careful head count, she's also come up with exactly 11 chickens.
Though David does tell Kathryn that he can't go to Boston with her, he completely wimps out on giving her the real reason. David vaguely blames "something" for preventing him from connecting with his wife. He neglects to mention that "something" is about 5'6" with a pixie haircut and a closet filled with cute knit caps.
Back in Fairy Land, Abigail leads Charming to a clearing and elaborates on why she helped him: Her heart also belongs to someone who's been lost. His name is Frederick; he was accidentally transformed into gold while saving King Midas's life. James asks Abigail if she's tried using True Love's Kiss to break the curse. "Until my lips bled," she responds sadly. There may, however, be another way. Abigail has heard tell of a lake with magic waters. Unfortunately, it's guarded by a sexy monster that drowns all its victims. Valient James volunteers get her some water from the lake. Guess he's got nothing better to do, right?
Mysterious Scene Alert! We spy August the Writer carefully dipping pages of Henry's Once Upon a Time storybook in some sort of liquid, then hanging them to dry. He then places the pages into the book and starts stitching the whole thing back together. Is he adding back copies of the pages that Henry tore out? Switching stories with other versions of those stories? Changing the book's tale altogether? Your guesses are as good as mine -- and I'm sure you'll have plenty of them in the comments.
Proving once again that she's a horrible mother, Regina tries to replace Henry's lost book with a handheld video game. She sends the boy away when a distraught Kathryn enters her office, crying that David is leaving her. Regina wastes no time revealing that David's been having an affair with Mary Margaret -- and she has the creepy stalker photos to prove it. After reading Regina the riot act for being a bad friend, the blonde storms out.
She heads straight for Storybrooke Elementary, where -- after rudely jostling a passing gym teacher -- Kathryn rushes toward Mary Margaret and slaps her in the face. How Emma of her! MM tries to calm Kathryn by telling her that both she and David have been completely honest: "We didn't lie." Mary Margaret, it seems, knows secret definitions for the words "honest" and "lie." All her illusions about her cheating prince are shattered as Kathryn angrily reveals that David didn't tell her about the affair.
After dropping Abigail off at a shrine for the "guardian of the lake," Prince Charming approaches its waters. He dips his canteen below the surface, and it immediately begins to shimmer. I'm expecting to see cold, dead hands start creeping onto the shore before I remember that the Harry Potter series belongs to Warner Brothers, not Disney. But something does emerge from the lake: a beautiful mer-maiden. And I don't think she just want to be part of Charming's world.
August brings Emma to his favorite watering hole -- a literal well in the middle of Storybrooke's abundant woods. He tells her a familiar legend -- the well, supposedly, is fed by an underground lake with magical properties. Those who drink its water will be reunited with something they've lost. Emma, naturally, is skeptical. She's the Jack to his Locke! The Mulder to his Scully! The Brain to his Pinky! Even so, when he offers her a full cup, she takes a sip. Because dearly departed Sheriff Graham does not immediately appear, I'm going to call shenanigans on that so-called magic well.
Taking a leaf out of Nancy Downs's book, the siren transforms herself into a facsimile of Snow White. She slowly approaches James, telling him that she can give him everything if he'll just kiss her. Poor lovesick Charming is swayed by her words, embracing Faux White and letting his sword drop to the bottom of the lake. Eventually, though, James snaps out of it and declares that the siren's love isn't real. But maybe he should make out with her a little bit longer anyway. You know, just to be 100% sure.
Faux White is amused that he's managed to see past her spell -- but not amused enough to spare the prince's life. The siren drags Charming beneath the surface and starts doing sultry water ballet in his general direction. When he tries to swim away, a vine wraps itself around his leg. Is James destined to join the waterlogged corpses on the bottom of the lake? Thankfully, no -- he manages to stab her in the stomach with a dagger he dredged up. Next time, Charming, just wear wax in your ears. It works wonders, I promise.
MM had thought that the conservative citizens of her small rural town would be totally accepting when word of her affair got out. Surprise! They're not. Everyone on the street is whispering about her, and someone has even spray-painted "TRAMP" on the side of her car. We might as well just put a scarlet "A" on her cardigan and be done with it. MM angrily approaches David -- who's desperately trying to remove the graffiti -- and lets him have it for lying. "I didn't want anyone to get hurt," he tries telling her. "Now everyone is hurt!" she replies, using a tone I can only describe as "elementary school teacher exasperatedly describing the most obvious thing in the world to a total idiot."
David wants to move beyond all this, but MM has finally had enough: "What we have is destructive, and it has to stop," she tells him firmly. Though both of them are crying, Mary Margaret is resolved, once again, to end things with David. Is this move to keep our true lovers apart a smart twist, or another example of wheel-spinning? Please provide your answer in the comments. Remember to show your work.
Emma discovers a mysterious box sitting in a puddle beneath her car. Why, it's the lockbox containing Henry's storybook! Did that well water's magic spell really work? Of course not; August has simply placed the container there. He is really challenging Mr. Gold in the Creepy Department.
A contrite Kathryn comes by her buddy Regina's office to apologize for her outburst. She's also realized that what David and MM have is something special; he's never looked at his wife the way he's looking at Mary Margaret in Regina's pictures. Kathryn's now planning to move to Boston alone and search for her true love there. What's more, she's giving both MM and David her blessing in writing; she penned each of them a letter that implores them to be together. And by giving the queen that bit of information, poor Kathryn effectively signs her own death warrant. Just when we were really starting to like her, too.
The water Charming has retrieved from the lake does the trick. Once Abigail pours it on top of Frederick's solid gold form, he transforms back into a man... one who's clearly the fairy tale equivalent of the gym teacher Kathryn stormed past in Storybrooke. After Frederick and his princess are reunited, James decides to go find Snow after all. We're treated to a repeat of his encounter with Red Riding Hood -- and this time, the scene doesn't stop with Charming vowing to find Snow. A cavalry led by King George himself appears, hot in pursuit of the rogue prince. He scoops Red onto his horse and rides off with her into the woods. I hope the way is clear and the light is good!
Emma stops by Storybrooke Elementary and finds Henry playing his new video game. She waxes nostalgic about it for a minute -- Emma used to play the same one when she was a kid -- before handing over his old copy of Once Upon a Time. When an excited Henry asks how she found it, Emma answers by guessing that it fell off a dump truck and into the gutter before arriving directly underneath her car. Because that makes much more sense than "maybe someone put it there." This happy reunion is undercut when Emma goes home and tries to comfort a despondent Mary Margaret. I think the teacher wishes she had some Eternal Sunshine potion right about now.
After using her giant ring o'keys to get into David and Kathryn's house, Regina snatches up the letter Kathryn wrote for her husband. She then brings the letter to her office and burns it. Kathryn, meanwhile, happily drives out of town -- but she doesn't get far. At the end of the episode, Gym Teacher discovers that her car's been abandoned by the side of the road. Though the airbag has been deployed, Kathryn -- or at least Kathryn's body -- is nowhere to be seen. Who's ready for a murder mystery?
But first: Breadcrumbs!
- During the opening chase, Charming's horse easily jumps over a branch. For no apparent reason, his pursuers can't make the same jump. I loved this because it reminded me of my favorite scene in Wet Hot American Summer.
- I wonder where Kathryn got into law school. Maybe it's not really in Boston, but nearby. No, not Tufts!
- Emma has a policy about dating guys who won't reveal their names: "I find it weeds out the ones who like to keep secrets like they're already married, or they store body parts in their freezer."
- The siren's lair is called Lake Nostos. It's a fitting name for a lake that promises to bring lost objects home; "nostos" is the Greek word for "homecoming." The name is also a clever reference to The Odyssey, a homecoming story that happens to feature an appearance by the Sirens. I'm glad that Abigail, a Greek myth's daughter, is the one who brings it up.
- Regina looked genuinely sad when Henry told her how much he misses Emma. Does she have real maternal feelings toward her adopted son?
- She also tells Kathryn that she was in love once. Think the queen was telling the truth? And if so, who's the [un]lucky guy? (We know it's not the Genie/Mirror/Sidney/Gus.)
- Granny to Emma, when the sheriff is waffling about getting on August's bike: "If you don't, I will." Give us more Granny, please!
- Anyone else catch Emma doing her best Chris Traeger impression when she asked if August was litrally taking her to a well?
- Cross-promotion alert! Henry's playing Space Paranoids, a game that was invented by Jeff Bridges' character in the TRON movies. Want to play it yourself? Your wish is my command.
- Regina, of course, was the one who spray-painted "TRAMP" on the side of MM's car. I wish we could have seen the look of glee on her face as she did it.
- So what happened to the letter Kathryn wrote to Mary Margaret? Did Regina steal it as well, or is she hoping it'll serve as evidence when she tries to pin the blonde's disappearance on MM?
Source: Hilary Busis at EW.com
In our first fairyback, Princess Abigail -- wearing a charming couch-inspired ensemble -- greets King Charles Widmore George on the eve of her wedding. The mean monarch neglects to tell his prospective daughter-in-law that Prince James has gone full Runaway Groom. As the two royals are chatting, Charming is racing away from them as fast as he can. Though he manages to outmaneuver his "father"'s men, James is soon captured by another pair of knights -- ones who happen to work for Abigail. Turns out that Charming's betrothed is much cooler than we've all given her credit for: She has no interest in marrying the prince. What's more, she knows James loves Snow White, and she wants to help get him back to her.
Kathryn, unfortunately, hasn't gotten the same memo. She's still determined to save her flailing marriage; her latest idea is to take David and move to Boston, where the two of them can enjoy a fresh start and a few nice bowls of clam chowdah. When David breaks the news to MM, she sensibly says that his only choice now is to tell his wife about the affair. After all, it'd be better for Kathryn to hear the news from him than from someone else. (Famous last words, eh?) David reluctantly agrees to have The Talk, and we all breathe premature sighs of relief.
Emma is also making romantic progress. The Storybrooke Stranger bumps into her outside of Granny's and says that he'd like to finally have that drink she promised him. Emma asks if he's asking her out; Stranger responds, "If putting a label on it makes you more comfortable, then sure." Ahhh, Emma -- run, run, as fast as you can! Dudes who don't believe in labels also don't believe in things like birthday cards, compliments, and not making out with that other girl.
After finally prompting the Stranger to reveal his name -- August Wayne Booth, for those keeping score at home -- Emma heads inside for a confession session with Mary Margaret. The teacher reveals that she and David have been sneaking around. Emma, in turn, reveals that she knew all along. Nice sleuthing, Sheriff! According to MM, though, the subterfuge will soon be over for good: David's going to tell Kathryn everything. After taking a careful head count, she's also come up with exactly 11 chickens.
Though David does tell Kathryn that he can't go to Boston with her, he completely wimps out on giving her the real reason. David vaguely blames "something" for preventing him from connecting with his wife. He neglects to mention that "something" is about 5'6" with a pixie haircut and a closet filled with cute knit caps.
Back in Fairy Land, Abigail leads Charming to a clearing and elaborates on why she helped him: Her heart also belongs to someone who's been lost. His name is Frederick; he was accidentally transformed into gold while saving King Midas's life. James asks Abigail if she's tried using True Love's Kiss to break the curse. "Until my lips bled," she responds sadly. There may, however, be another way. Abigail has heard tell of a lake with magic waters. Unfortunately, it's guarded by a sexy monster that drowns all its victims. Valient James volunteers get her some water from the lake. Guess he's got nothing better to do, right?
Mysterious Scene Alert! We spy August the Writer carefully dipping pages of Henry's Once Upon a Time storybook in some sort of liquid, then hanging them to dry. He then places the pages into the book and starts stitching the whole thing back together. Is he adding back copies of the pages that Henry tore out? Switching stories with other versions of those stories? Changing the book's tale altogether? Your guesses are as good as mine -- and I'm sure you'll have plenty of them in the comments.
Proving once again that she's a horrible mother, Regina tries to replace Henry's lost book with a handheld video game. She sends the boy away when a distraught Kathryn enters her office, crying that David is leaving her. Regina wastes no time revealing that David's been having an affair with Mary Margaret -- and she has the creepy stalker photos to prove it. After reading Regina the riot act for being a bad friend, the blonde storms out.
She heads straight for Storybrooke Elementary, where -- after rudely jostling a passing gym teacher -- Kathryn rushes toward Mary Margaret and slaps her in the face. How Emma of her! MM tries to calm Kathryn by telling her that both she and David have been completely honest: "We didn't lie." Mary Margaret, it seems, knows secret definitions for the words "honest" and "lie." All her illusions about her cheating prince are shattered as Kathryn angrily reveals that David didn't tell her about the affair.
After dropping Abigail off at a shrine for the "guardian of the lake," Prince Charming approaches its waters. He dips his canteen below the surface, and it immediately begins to shimmer. I'm expecting to see cold, dead hands start creeping onto the shore before I remember that the Harry Potter series belongs to Warner Brothers, not Disney. But something does emerge from the lake: a beautiful mer-maiden. And I don't think she just want to be part of Charming's world.
August brings Emma to his favorite watering hole -- a literal well in the middle of Storybrooke's abundant woods. He tells her a familiar legend -- the well, supposedly, is fed by an underground lake with magical properties. Those who drink its water will be reunited with something they've lost. Emma, naturally, is skeptical. She's the Jack to his Locke! The Mulder to his Scully! The Brain to his Pinky! Even so, when he offers her a full cup, she takes a sip. Because dearly departed Sheriff Graham does not immediately appear, I'm going to call shenanigans on that so-called magic well.
Taking a leaf out of Nancy Downs's book, the siren transforms herself into a facsimile of Snow White. She slowly approaches James, telling him that she can give him everything if he'll just kiss her. Poor lovesick Charming is swayed by her words, embracing Faux White and letting his sword drop to the bottom of the lake. Eventually, though, James snaps out of it and declares that the siren's love isn't real. But maybe he should make out with her a little bit longer anyway. You know, just to be 100% sure.
Faux White is amused that he's managed to see past her spell -- but not amused enough to spare the prince's life. The siren drags Charming beneath the surface and starts doing sultry water ballet in his general direction. When he tries to swim away, a vine wraps itself around his leg. Is James destined to join the waterlogged corpses on the bottom of the lake? Thankfully, no -- he manages to stab her in the stomach with a dagger he dredged up. Next time, Charming, just wear wax in your ears. It works wonders, I promise.
MM had thought that the conservative citizens of her small rural town would be totally accepting when word of her affair got out. Surprise! They're not. Everyone on the street is whispering about her, and someone has even spray-painted "TRAMP" on the side of her car. We might as well just put a scarlet "A" on her cardigan and be done with it. MM angrily approaches David -- who's desperately trying to remove the graffiti -- and lets him have it for lying. "I didn't want anyone to get hurt," he tries telling her. "Now everyone is hurt!" she replies, using a tone I can only describe as "elementary school teacher exasperatedly describing the most obvious thing in the world to a total idiot."
David wants to move beyond all this, but MM has finally had enough: "What we have is destructive, and it has to stop," she tells him firmly. Though both of them are crying, Mary Margaret is resolved, once again, to end things with David. Is this move to keep our true lovers apart a smart twist, or another example of wheel-spinning? Please provide your answer in the comments. Remember to show your work.
Emma discovers a mysterious box sitting in a puddle beneath her car. Why, it's the lockbox containing Henry's storybook! Did that well water's magic spell really work? Of course not; August has simply placed the container there. He is really challenging Mr. Gold in the Creepy Department.
A contrite Kathryn comes by her buddy Regina's office to apologize for her outburst. She's also realized that what David and MM have is something special; he's never looked at his wife the way he's looking at Mary Margaret in Regina's pictures. Kathryn's now planning to move to Boston alone and search for her true love there. What's more, she's giving both MM and David her blessing in writing; she penned each of them a letter that implores them to be together. And by giving the queen that bit of information, poor Kathryn effectively signs her own death warrant. Just when we were really starting to like her, too.
The water Charming has retrieved from the lake does the trick. Once Abigail pours it on top of Frederick's solid gold form, he transforms back into a man... one who's clearly the fairy tale equivalent of the gym teacher Kathryn stormed past in Storybrooke. After Frederick and his princess are reunited, James decides to go find Snow after all. We're treated to a repeat of his encounter with Red Riding Hood -- and this time, the scene doesn't stop with Charming vowing to find Snow. A cavalry led by King George himself appears, hot in pursuit of the rogue prince. He scoops Red onto his horse and rides off with her into the woods. I hope the way is clear and the light is good!
Emma stops by Storybrooke Elementary and finds Henry playing his new video game. She waxes nostalgic about it for a minute -- Emma used to play the same one when she was a kid -- before handing over his old copy of Once Upon a Time. When an excited Henry asks how she found it, Emma answers by guessing that it fell off a dump truck and into the gutter before arriving directly underneath her car. Because that makes much more sense than "maybe someone put it there." This happy reunion is undercut when Emma goes home and tries to comfort a despondent Mary Margaret. I think the teacher wishes she had some Eternal Sunshine potion right about now.
After using her giant ring o'keys to get into David and Kathryn's house, Regina snatches up the letter Kathryn wrote for her husband. She then brings the letter to her office and burns it. Kathryn, meanwhile, happily drives out of town -- but she doesn't get far. At the end of the episode, Gym Teacher discovers that her car's been abandoned by the side of the road. Though the airbag has been deployed, Kathryn -- or at least Kathryn's body -- is nowhere to be seen. Who's ready for a murder mystery?
But first: Breadcrumbs!
- During the opening chase, Charming's horse easily jumps over a branch. For no apparent reason, his pursuers can't make the same jump. I loved this because it reminded me of my favorite scene in Wet Hot American Summer.
- I wonder where Kathryn got into law school. Maybe it's not really in Boston, but nearby. No, not Tufts!
- Emma has a policy about dating guys who won't reveal their names: "I find it weeds out the ones who like to keep secrets like they're already married, or they store body parts in their freezer."
- The siren's lair is called Lake Nostos. It's a fitting name for a lake that promises to bring lost objects home; "nostos" is the Greek word for "homecoming." The name is also a clever reference to The Odyssey, a homecoming story that happens to feature an appearance by the Sirens. I'm glad that Abigail, a Greek myth's daughter, is the one who brings it up.
- Regina looked genuinely sad when Henry told her how much he misses Emma. Does she have real maternal feelings toward her adopted son?
- She also tells Kathryn that she was in love once. Think the queen was telling the truth? And if so, who's the [un]lucky guy? (We know it's not the Genie/Mirror/Sidney/Gus.)
- Granny to Emma, when the sheriff is waffling about getting on August's bike: "If you don't, I will." Give us more Granny, please!
- Anyone else catch Emma doing her best Chris Traeger impression when she asked if August was litrally taking her to a well?
- Cross-promotion alert! Henry's playing Space Paranoids, a game that was invented by Jeff Bridges' character in the TRON movies. Want to play it yourself? Your wish is my command.
- Regina, of course, was the one who spray-painted "TRAMP" on the side of MM's car. I wish we could have seen the look of glee on her face as she did it.
- So what happened to the letter Kathryn wrote to Mary Margaret? Did Regina steal it as well, or is she hoping it'll serve as evidence when she tries to pin the blonde's disappearance on MM?
Source: Hilary Busis at EW.com
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